When I was in high school confidence began to become a pretty big deal. But because nobody told me how to get more confidence, I firmly believed I didn’t have it.
I’m guessing at one point you also believed that you were incapable of being confident. Maybe you still believe it.
I’m here to shift that narrative for you.
The truth is…confidence is a skill, but no one tells us that. We’re led to believe that some individuals are born naturally confident while others are not.
Spoiler alert: not even Beyoncé herself was born naturally confident.
And that’s the darn truth.
You know what this means, right? It means that if you don’t feel confident right now, you can.
Since confidence is a skill, that means it can be developed.
Case in point: I was not super confident when I became a photographer. Settings confused the heck out of me, I had no idea how to pose my clients, and the whole process intimidated me. However, I decided to have fun with it. And that took a lot of pressure off! I put myself out there and tried new things, I experimented. What would it look like if I tried a certain pose? What if we added in fun props or movement so it felt more natural? Would music make a difference? Yes, it would.
Turns out the more you do something the more you become confident in it.
There are other factors that play a part in how confident we become in both our abilities and ourselves. They are as follows…
Our Environments (Including Social Platforms):
Who are you surrounding yourself with? Take a good hard look at the people you are allowing to influence you both in real life and on your social spheres. Are they empowering you to step fully into all that you’re capable of? Or are you finding there’s more negativity and toxic patterns than you initially realized?
I’m giving you full permission right now to distance yourself and let go of individuals who consistently leave you feeling like you’re not worth it, like you don’t have what it takes, or just flat out feeling like sh*t.
Make a list of the qualities and characteristics you want to surround yourself with in others. Use that as your guide when choosing who to spend time with – including on social media.
Wear Whatever the Heck You Want:
There’s this incredible story about Mally Roncal, a celebrity makeup artist and founder of Mally Beauty. When she was in the early days of being a freelance artist she showed up to a photoshoot wearing high heels and bold makeup with big hair. She loved it and everyone complimented her…or so she thought. At the end of the day someone came up to her and said “You did such an amazing job today! But…we were all laughing over your outfit, it’s a bit much.”
Obviously this crushed her; it got to her so much that she dimmed down what she wore drastically. Neon colors became neutrals. Bright lips became flesh tones.
You know what she discovered in doing so? She didn’t feel as good about herself when she conformed to others’ expectations of her. So, one day she pulled out her favorite outfits and colors again and showed up like her bold & beautiful bad-ass self.
It was like a light switch went off and she walked around like she owned the place; all because she felt good about herself. At the end of that day, the photographer on set came up to her and said, “You were awesome today!! I love you so much that I’ve canceled the makeup artist I had scheduled for a magazine cover shoot tomorrow and I want you to do the looks instead.”
Wear what makes you feel good, babe. It doesn’t matter if someone questions it – if you love it that’s all that matters. You never know what kind of opportunities will arise when you show up unapologetically.
Do It Over & Over & Over Again:
Repetition is the key to learning and becoming more confident in a certain area.
Do you want to become more confident in public speaking? Practice on some friends or challenge yourself to go Live in your Facebook group once a week.
The more you do something the more confident you will become.
This applies to how confident we are in our bodies as well. Often times we feel like we could never wear a certain outfit or put ourselves out there. How do you know if you never try? You may find that wearing a particular look makes you feel more amazing than you imagined.
Don’t underestimate yourself. You are far more capable than you’re giving yourself credit for.
The very things we are avoiding because they make us uncomfortable are often times the very things we need to grow and become even better versions of ourselves.
Start small – look at your list of what scares you and choose the one that feels the most doable right now. Then think of 1-3 baby steps you can take towards feeling more confident in that area.
I promise you…you have what it takes.
A few years ago I did this practice myself. I wrote down every single thing that I was afraid of and then said, “Okay, which one can I tackle first?” The limiting belief I chose was money related. I was afraid to make more because of how others would perceive me. However, I realized that those thoughts were holding myself back from making more of an impact and doing what I loved.
The baby step I took looked like auditing what voices I was listening to and then filling my life and social spheres with more positive influences. I began to read more material on finances so that I understood it better (there was a knowledge gap that I knew I wanted to fill). In time I began to realize that I was becoming more confident in my finances. I had a better grasp in managing my money and held myself in a higher esteem. I began to trust myself more.
What’s your list? What one area you can focus on first? How will it feel when you are confident in that area?
These are important questions to ask and the gateway to opening doors we didn’t realize were there, to experiencing more joy and fulfillment than we knew possible, and in making more of an impact for those around us.
You 100% have what it takes. Anyone can be confident because confidence is a skill, meaning that it can be learned.
All that’s left is to take that first step. One foot in front of the other. Before you know it, you’ll be showing others how to do that one thing confidently right alongside you.