On our honeymoon we read a book together that was a total game-changer for the way we love each other. It was the perfect time to read it too, because it set the course for a healthy marriage for us right from the get-go.
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman explains just how beneficial it is for your relationship if you understand your partner’s love language. We all have a specific love language that fuels us, fulfills us, and brings us the most emotional support. It might be words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch. Or it could be a mix of those things! You will always have one that is higher than the others, though.
Most times your love language will be completely different from your partner’s love language. It is true that opposites attract, and that’s part of the fun in being together! However, those differences can become problematic later down the road if we don’t understand them. For example, you may have spent an hour cleaning the dishes and vacuuming the house but your partner doesn’t seem to notice because they want to watch TV together after a long day of work. The two of you may get into an argument over who’s slacking when in actuality, you simply have a conflict of love languages. Based on this scenario, your love language could be acts of service (washing dishes, vacuuming), while theirs is quality time (watching TV together). By understanding what the other’s love language is, you’ll be able to reach better compromises and know when and what to give each other.
More often than not, understanding each other’s love languages requires making an effort to see things from your partner’s point of view. Maybe their love language is words of affirmation but you’re terrible at giving other people compliments. It’s just not your thing. However, you’ll find that your marriage will begin to really thrive if you are willing to put in an effort and (in this case) give him/her a compliment every now and then.
Note: words of affirmation is not limited to compliments, it could pertain to leaving cute post-it notes for them on the mirror, writing them a letter, or bragging about them to someone else. Every love language has “dialects”, meaning that there are many different ways to show that love to your partner, and one way may not do as much for them as another way would within their love language.
I cannot tell you enough just how beneficial it is to understand each other’s love language! You will notice a huge difference within the first few weeks (days, even) of putting this into practice. But, first you need to read 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I’m telling you, he breaks it down so well for you. And, it sets the course for a marriage that will fulfill you both.
You can find his book here!